How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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