dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
