just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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