Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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