Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
