We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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