STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
