So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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