Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
