I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
