Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
