i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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