I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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