K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
