He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im holly from the hills drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
