I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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