We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
