god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
