fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
