im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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