drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ladies don't puke and tell
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
