I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
