I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
where are my eyebrows?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize