About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
