I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
