I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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