Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
