If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
