his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
