So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
