Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.