My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.