Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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