Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
