Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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