its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
