if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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