you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
