She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vagina is officially offended.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
