Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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