Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
