All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
