She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
