If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
