And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize