Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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