What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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