Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
