that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
