Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
