she looked like the before picture.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
