I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
