my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
