ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
