I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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