there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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