Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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