sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
