Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think my moral compass just broke
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
